I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize