hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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