RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
