Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
