does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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