Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
