How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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