Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This is the prime rib incident all over again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize