Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
