i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
