D3 body, D1 cock
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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