mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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