remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
