jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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