I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
