Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
