dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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