I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
