you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
