saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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