I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
