he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
