So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
