Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
