at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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