I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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