Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
