Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
