If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He better not be in your backpack
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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