I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
