I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
