My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
