I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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