So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
