So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
