Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
