You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He had one of those small greek statue penises
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
