I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
