if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My cat gives me a boner
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
