I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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