legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Still dying that you shit outside
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
