Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
