dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
