When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
