just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
