Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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