omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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