So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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