just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize