I am puke
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you win again, gameday.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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