I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
True college students do jello shots in the library
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
