Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
