the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Of course I have a pirate flag
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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