Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
