i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
