Your mouth is God's brothel.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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