I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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