now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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