His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
