ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
