I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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