your thong is hanging out like whoa
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
