Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
