just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
