Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
