i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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