have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
