it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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