my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
