My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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