i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
MIDGETS
????
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
